| morning. |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|11:11 am] |
Probably too early for thoughts, and I'm going to be running late but ah well,
Sometimes as people we tend to get lazy, we lose initiative. We expect to be given, fed, saved, without giving our end of the bargain.
How can we be fed if we don't ask for food? How can we be saved without asking for help? How can we ask to be heard if we don't speak?
God is always there, we know it. He takes 99 steps in that flight of 100 steps that separates us from Him. He goes the furthest, then waits patiently for us to take that 1 step.
I guess we could apply this when it comes to relationships with human beings as well. When you're caught in quick sand, you need to shout for help. I know people say things like "if you were a good friend enough, I wouldn't have to shout." But don't forget we are not super human. Sometimes we get busy, sometimes we get deaf, but it's all part of our imperfection. True friends are always there for you and that is not a lie. But true friends cannot read your mind even though at times it seems that way. Sometimes you gotta speak if you wanna be heard. Don't be afraid to burden your friend whatsoever. If you think you're gonna burden your friend and your friend's not gonna entertain, chances are you don't know much about your friend or your friendship isn't that thick afterall.
Isn't it the same with God. A little different perhaps since He knows everything about us. Knows what's in our heads our hearts and all. But He will never go all the way. He will never barge into your life without your permission. Rather, He waits patiently for you to go look for Him.
I wanna be a good friend but I don't wanna barge into whatever you're going through and I cannot read your mind but if you let me know I PROMISE I am there. Gotta have a little faith in the people around you man,
Good day bye bye. |
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| 28dec. Happy 4th day of christmas guys. |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|10:53 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Deerhunter | ] |
Met up with the good ol buddies yesterday and as usual, it felt like home instantly. We don't share much from our private lives, we don't share the same hobbies, we may not have anything in common at all, but our friendship just is. It's a strange relationship but I love them all the more for it.
We talked like old ladies at a reunion, talked about hair, talked about JASMINE'S hair, talked about bea's bad ass red jacket and new hair, bel and carol snapping away, alex.. being tall, and HELLO KAYLA WAS THERE!
KAYLA CARISSA WONG JIA LE. The girl who took a whole year before coming back to Singapore to see her precious friends. grrr.
This was the dude who was always at my sec school hide out with me, playing the piano and singing. her voice is the bomb ^^
7 of us spent the day chatting at starbucks it felt so nice. Could sit there for hours listening to each of them talk about their lives.
Before we knew it it was 7pm and alex,kayla had to leave. man, it sucks to say goodbye to kayla. Cityhall MRT Station felt like Changi Airport. I never want to say goodbye to any of my friends. It was as though the world was telling me
oh hello carissa, here. i present you with kayla your awesome friend for a couple of hours, let you talk to her but then you'll have to say good bye to her again okay. the last time you saw her was 12 months ago but you can talk to her for 2 hours. cool?
NOT COOL.
oh well, can i complain? at least i got to see her. she'll be back in may. and in may i'll be in year 2. In may marion will be in Uni!! in may bea,bel,jas will be mugging for As. In may idk what alex will be doing. In may.
In the end, we left for the roof top at the esplanade. it was CROWDED. carol and bel snapping away as usual and for the first time
(idk why we didn't do this sooner) bea and i had a reaaally good chat.
11pm arrived, the night ended, I had to leave my family of awesome friends and head back to. here.
Man I gotta get out of bed. Tutoring in 2 hours and then meeting sara karim! :D
MARION YOU OWE US!! Another overseas dude. Man, PEOPLE STOP LEAVING!!!
It was nice bumping into my listening ear.
Makes me feel less crazy knowing that a person as patient and understanding as you actually exists in reality. |
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| Beautiful Nightmare |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|01:43 am] |
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After you, there'd probably won't be any guys left for me to love. Because who'd want a foul-mouthed, loud, and hooligan-ish type of girl right? But I'm not gonna change. I'm better off being a nun than changing any bit of me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 29th, 2009|12:12 am] |
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Lost, but I will be found. |
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| on the 3rd day of christmas |
[Dec. 27th, 2009|10:53 pm] |
Had a mental/emotional breakdown before having a real good chat with Samuel & Cherry.
Guess God spoke to me through them.
God loves us so much. SO much. Whenever we feel hurt, He feels it so much worse than we do.
He'll put us through tough times, times when we think we are gonna break, put us through pain, all to make us stronger.
In the darkest times He will shine brightest. When we feel the worst we will be so desperate to seek Him, to trust Him alone.
What a wonderful director. |
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| KOC! / Angus and Julia Stone / Lady of the Sunshine |
[Dec. 27th, 2009|06:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Lady of the Sunshine | ] |
NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's only been 10 days since they started selling tix! Since when did KOC become so popular in sgp!? I was so devastated at the Sistic counter I am so sure the sales lady was feeling sorry for me. I actually said these words in a dramatic tone
"WHAT!?! NO MORE? Really no moreeee? Not even single seats???? )): *puppydogeyes*"
Okay, i lie about the eyes, but still! She replied sympathetically "y..yes." You should've been there it was so dramatic.
GAHHHHH KOC KOC KOC KOC KOC KOC KOC! You know, I would sell my muse tickets for KOC. hmm. NAH who am I kidding. Oh well, at least I saw coldplay, going for muse and going for andrew bird. ANDREW BIRD :D
I may have missed KOC but something better will come along. like flight of the conchords or radiohead.
IF RADIOHEAD COMES. hehehe. i will give up muse AND andrew bird AND koc for them.
THERE IS HOPE!
There is still hope!!! If all things go well, I will see koc in msia. Hello msia I love you. They start selling tix in jan. Gotta grab them sooon! This isn't as crazy as kb going to Philippines to see Paramore.
Anyway, check out Angus and Julia Stone: Mango Tree
So gooood.
Today felt nice (:
Youth went well even though it was too quiet. Think I brought back some things that I can apply.
Topic was "sensitivity". I've been told I am over-sensitive, yet sometimes I feel insensitive. Other times I'm desensitized.
Guess I gotta be the right thing at the right time.
Monopoly with part of COGY was so exciting. Everyone was standing up, some standing on chairs, some dancing, some cheering, haha it was good fun! Unfortunately sissypoop and i forgot to to bring the candy for them ); she blamed me. Missed KOC tix, she blamed me! blame blame blame ): okay la it's partly my fault. BUT STILL! doesn't feel nice to get blamed!!
Check out Lady of the sunshine: Silver Revolver
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| on the 2nd day of christmas |
[Dec. 26th, 2009|10:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Radiohead - Street Spirit | ] |
All I remember from today was the rain, attempting to write, and a good dinner/chat at ikea with carol and jazzmen.
It's nice to know that you're not alone. Everyone faces different circumstances in life, but at the end of the day friends are still friends.
Even when they cannot understand, they will try to and they will be there.
Love you caroline :D Cannot wait for monday!
-
I've been rather @$@#%@# lately. Been complaining so much. Been feeling so low.
I tend to forget that what we have now is not all that there is.
All these little obstacles are just stepping stones. All the little hurts we feel just make us stronger so that we will be strong enough to handle the tougher challenges that come by day after day.
If we can't even accept this, if we cannot be strong through these small hiccups, how can we be strong enough to face the challenges ahead?
Our God is a wonderful director. He puts people in our lives to help us through times, to encourage us and sometimes He puts people in our lives to challenge us. He plans our lives so carefully that every "mistake" and every "accident" happens to trigger a greater purpose. He will challenge us, to make us tough, strong, to make sure our faith grows so that we will keep looking to Him and relying on Him and not our own strength. However He will NEVER EVER give us a challenge too big. He will NEVER give us something we cannot carry. Even when we feel like it's too much, He will show Himself in a way we never expected and He will guide the way.
Sometimes we take Him for granted. We expect Him to be there for us always but we don't keep our end of the bargain.
We ask and pray and want, but we don't read His word, we don't listen. How can He answer us if we refuse to listen?
He will always be there for us, but we need to Let Him in.
Sometimes when I'm having so much trouble under this shelter I look to so many places, people for an answer.
Got to learn to surrender all and look to God first.
When things go bad (which seems to be too often), I always feel so frustrated and angry. It's tiring to carry so much hatred.
I remember once I wanted to rip my arm off and throw it at them. (Quote Joey)
But how can I say I love my God when I cannot forgive them? What more LOVE them.
Love seems like a foreign word in this four walls. Never experienced it from them, but thank God for sissypoop.
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I'm losing track of days. It's saturday already! Can't wait to see the COGY kids tmr it's been 3 whole weeks!
Happy second day of christmas!
Just a day away from meeting the best buddies in the world :D:D:D
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| Are you too busy? |
[Dec. 25th, 2009|11:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Badly Drawn Boy | ] |
Stumbled upon this video on tangle. It reminded me so much of my current "lifestyle".
Wake up call.
I don't want to be too busy.
Christmas day will be over soon. All the crazy shoppers in orchard and angry drivers on the road must be so pleased.
Let's remember the real meaning of Christmas.
This day God sent us his precious. He sent his son from heavens to earth to endure a lifetime of suffering and pain just to save us all.
Jesus was due to be crucified since before he was born.
All this to save us from an eternity of suffering. All for us. All because our heavenly father loved us so.
He really is a wonderful director. All the little details add up.
Can you feel his love?
-
Spent christmas morning reading. Woke up at 12 and stayed in bed reading till 3. haha felt soooo good.
Caught Avatar with the sister and fbil. The show was super!!! Go watch it!
The music, the colours, the story, oh the music was fantastic.
FRIENDS marathon later :D
Bumped into KQX! haha feels good to see familiar faces.
Next week's a time to catch up with old friends and start on our medsoc debate!!!!
Strange enough I can't wait to be back in school. Coffee (with too much sugar) and sharing cabs to school and tahaning lects tgt.
Rest while you can people! :D
Merry Christmas everyone! |
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| What do you live to leave behind? |
[Dec. 25th, 2009|12:37 am] |
It's Christmas!
green is a good colour. i like green. i got new green shoes, but they don't fit well ); but they're green!
Sometimes I wonder what goes through the heads of people.
Sometimes I think that if we all saw the world through another pair of eyes, one that is far enough from the world that it sees the whole picture yet close enough to see the specifics, close enough to feel the same emotions as humans do and think like them, we would not behave the way we do now.
I feel like our ability to live has been limited by our environment. our environment shapes the way we think and act and by letting it influence us, we cannot experience as much. It's as though our environment has put us in boxes that limits what we can think,do,feel.
We are living in a world that is so unfair and unrighteous. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer, the hungry get forgotten.
About 25,000 people die every day of hunger or hunger-related causes, according to the United Nations. This is one person every three and a half seconds, as you can see on this display. Unfortunately, it is children who die most often.
I don't know what I want to say, there's too many P.O.V to consider.
It's worrying that this does not worry us as much as it should. It's not that we don't have compassion, it's not that we are heartless, it's just that it doesn't seem as real to us as it should be. We pig out, we shop, we spend $7 on coffee and every 3 seconds, every time we take a sip, people die. But does this mean we cannot enjoy ourselves? There seems to be no answer. There isn't even a real question.
It's our box.
In our box, four walls, all we see are "school. gpa. food. sales. christmas parties. future. career. how to prevent a dysfunctional family from creating a heartless generation. how to jailbreak and ipod." It's not that all these aren't important. (some are not important at all: ipod-.-) School is important to us here. It'd sound insane to drop out of school at 17 with no hope for a career to travel to another country to help them build schools. But there is so much more out there. Beyond the four walls there's a whole other world waiting to be saved. All they worry about are "will my baby live to see tomorrow, will they stop abusing me, will the other parts of the world finally hear us and come save us?"
It's unfair to call us a selfish generation, because this was how we were brought up. We can't blame the generations before us either. No body is at fault. But somebody should do something about it. Anybody can do something about it. We need to learn to look outside of the box. We need to look at the world through a different pair of eyes. We need to focus on the right things and live our lives meaningfully.
When some people die, they leave behind fortunes to be split amongst their kids.
Some leave debts.
Some leave silicon and make up.
But some leave hope. Some live to leave hope for others.
I think the greatest part about living is knowing that you've made a difference in another person's life.
When you die, what will you be leaving behind?
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& MERRY CHRISTMAS!
It's weird when people wish each other "merry christmas and happy new year". isn't it two separate occasions with separate meanings? have a good christmas everyone! tell your enemies you forgive them and remind your friends that you love them.
it's because of christmas day that we are saved :D |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|09:29 pm] |
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It's Christmas eve but all I did was sloth around the whole house and study for Socpsych. Feeling so jaded now i don't know why ugh h8 holidays so fucking boring i need to spend some money.
maybe it's because i'm not spendg it w u like how it shld be wtf i don't care i'm not gonna give a shit so bloody incoherent i have too much angst in me need to get it all out i want to get out of this place |
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| nightmare. |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|10:46 am] |
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had the worst nightmare. it was the kind where you had control over your dream that it felt so real, yet you cannot force yourself to wake up.
in my dream i kept praying and praying and praying for protection. it felt so real.
i was in china with my sister and parents. there was this street named "the parking lot" and all tourists had to go there. it was in the map. there were many small shops along the road and if you look inside the shop, a spell would be cast unto you and you will start seeing "things". at first all of us looked inside and all of us started seeing things that weren't there. (it was in the night btw). i was eating some pork rib thing thing on a stick and this fat boy kept staring at me. when i was done i threw the sticks into a bin and he ran to the bin to search for more food. my sister and i were contemplating if he was human or not. then he appeared right infront of us with the most monstrous body ever. we ran. i held on to my mom's hands and kept praying.
all of a sudden, it was me, my sister and fbil in a shopping mall. my sister came down the escalator pregnant -.-
then we were back on that lane. why we went back i have no idea. now we all knew that the street was haunted. we tried our best not to look inside any of the shops. all four of us entered a jewelry store. my sister and i looked outside the store into the streets, there was fbil talking to a young girl. a kid. we knew immediately she wasn't human. we didn't know how we knew, we just did. we tried to physically pull fbil away from the girl but he wouldn't budge. he was under a spell. he wouldn't even look away from that girl.
then we were back on that lane again. just my sister and i.
she looked into the stores. i grabbed her head and turned it away so that she wouldn't look inside but she did. and she wouldn't look away. i kept pushing her head away but she wouldn't move. i saw many children ghosts on the road but somehow i had control over my own mind and body. then i picked her up and carried her all the way down the street. she kept struggling it was as though we were fighting. we found a cab but the driver was terrified to pick people up from this street. i rmb saying "singapore general hospital please."
then, i was on the street with my family again. we bumped into NURUL HUDA. we told her to join us and she could bunk with us in the hotel. when we went back to the hotel, it became me, nurul, wid, jea, jes, kqx, hyo. hyo wid jes went into their room. jea kqx nurul and i went to look for our room. our room disappeared. there was 1979, 1981 but no 1980. yeah that was the number of our room. 1980. it was there when we checked in but now it was gone. then pangjea went to open some curtain and it led to a huge fancy restaurant in the basement. everyone was eating and dancing. then we thought, it's in the middle of the night, all the restaurants in the hotel are closed. why is this so active? then we saw their menu. it had a date. i can't rmb the day and month but it was dated year 1920. we looked and pangjea with the:
"wth, you just unlocked a whole other ghostly part of the hotel".
everyone inside was dead.
then we were out on the streets again. i dropped my bracelet in one of the stores while standing outside. the girl in the store helped me look for it. i saw her reflection in the mirror, there was none.
i was stuck in this stretch of shops with ghosts everywhere. i was so scared i kept praying and praying. i remember my words.
in the cab with my sister again. i kept patting her head (her head was on my lap) and i kept saying
"it will be all right. God will protect us. It will be all right. God is with us" tearing and praying.
i could not wake up.
when i finally did wake up, i couldn't control my body.
my hands were freezing numb, my legs were numb, i felt sooo horrible but i was super glad it was just a dream.
still in bed.
gonna wake up and play me some coldplay to calm me down.
you should've been there in my dream.
it was the worst feeling ever. |
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| merry christmas. |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|12:32 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Regina Spektor | ] |
Unpleasant morning took place when the dentist gave me an early christmas present. Thick Square wires on the upper teeth. So painful ); But thank God that I have the luxury to fix my teeth. Does anyone rmb how my teeth used to look like? I shiver when I see the photos.
-random thought-
I think sometimes in this world we take things for granted easily. We choose to focus on the bad and wish they were made right immediately. We choose to hate because it's easier than forgiving. We choose to cut people out of our lives before they get the chance to hurt us. We choose to give less of ourselves to "protect" ourselves. We choose to victimize ourselves to feel like we deserve attention. We choose to see what we see and hear what we hear instead of looking for that deeper meaning and listening out for the truth. We're lazy.
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Jam session wasn't very good ); My voice is dry and horrible. Sigh.
Had a good 2hours alone at starbucks reading "Jesus: An interview Across Time" It's a super good book! It follows the life of Jesus from when he was a kid and everything is from his point of view. He's being interviewed and he answers so many questions that many of us have asked before at one point of time. Some stuff that I liked many many:
Mother never told me directly who I was as a child... She let my father tell me.
Joseph?
No, my father.
--
It's very hard for us to imagine that God actually took out his rage on you.
Do you find it difficult to accept that my very own father took my life? Remember, I was Isaac and he was Abraham. You must understand justice. His rage is righteous. He has to express it, or justice will be a sham. You see, atonement is really atonement, and God really does punish. At the same time, it hurt him to punish me. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He was Abraham having to kill Isaac. His pain was greater than mine, because he had to do the killing. Do you think he's ever going to let anybody take his pain or mine lightly?
No one can ever imagine the cost of the pain because we love each other more than any two personalities ever have. We voluntarily separated from one another. I "became evil" when the world put all its evil into me. Then he judged me. His whole plan was a catastrophe for both of us. Ultimately, it succeeded because he had the power to bring me back to life.
You asked me if it bothered me. It did. But I was also "Isaac," and if you look at "the script", Isaac went totally willingly. The same thing was true for Isaac's grandson, Joseph. As you know, Joseph suffered for years in a foreign country for the eventual good of his own country before suddenly becoming a hero. All the time he was suffering, Joseph never complained. He trusted God to work it out for good.
--
( more )
met the friends oh the friends i haven't seen for so long! :D Dinner at Marche and the walk through orchard road was crazy. I would appreciate the decorations and lit up buildings a lot better if it weren't for the crowd. Carissa doesn't do well with crowds. Dislike crowds.
Went to watch OJX play at ngee ann city!
-random thought
It's difficult to look at the world through the eyes of our Saviour. All the people we hate and curse and those who've caused us hurt, our Saviour loves them. He forgives them and loves them with all His heart. Who are we to hate and not forgive? We too are all sinners.
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Christmas has become commercialized. It has lost it's meaning somehow somewhere.
Santa Clauses and greedy children who grumble for the newest nintendo game.
This day, our Lord brought onto this world a baby who lived to die to give us life.
His wounds has healed ours, His death has brought us life.
New hope.
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“Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.”
love is God |
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| hi. |
[Dec. 23rd, 2009|12:26 am] |
If we focused only on all the bad, we would end up hating the entire human race.
Met up with the lovely lovely friends today. It was awesome even though there was the kid who spoilt our night.
I've got so many things I wanna do, so many things I wanna try.
We've got time.
Take it slow.
For good things, we must wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|10:44 pm] |
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i don't need prada wallets or my instax for christmas anymore. i just need us to be happy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2009|09:05 pm] |
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Promise pikchas on this space soon cos we are gg to the ZOO! |
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| i never lor |
[Dec. 18th, 2009|12:21 am] |
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omg so tiring last day of schl tdy so happy but LOADS of work to complete ugh h8 poly srsly h8 everything hahaha after schl was fun!!! bb i love you <3 |
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| We'll go get your shovel |
[Dec. 17th, 2009|01:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  silly | ] |
PARAMORE
7 MARCH 2010
SINGAPORE INDOOR STADIUM
I will be there. Will you?
Omg seriously, Paramore's coming! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Paramore! Brand New Eyes is on repeat on my touch. I cant believe it, Paramore is finally coming! I know I'm blabbering like an overexcited fan but I'm damn freaking excited! Front row tickets for sure I dont care how much it is. Ahhhh cant wait for March 7.
Polka V! was awesome! Even though the venue was a little small, it seemed much cozier. I'm so proud of the band! They performed really well and I love my percussion section :D Pictures credit to Kristen! ( POLKA V! ) |
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| quiet christmas |
[Dec. 17th, 2009|12:21 pm] |
thank god I found you even though you can be a pain in the ass
love you always baby (: |
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